Worry...

You know...before I was a parent (or pregnant, even), I never really knew what worry was. Sure...I "worried" about things. Would I be single forever (thankfully, no)...would I find a house (yep)...would I be able to get pregnant (scarily easily...I was only off the pill for less than two weeks when the little guy was conceived)?

Now that I'm a parent...I know what REAL worry is. The irrational fear that manifests itself as a scar upon you like a big huge open wound that you can never fully protect. I worry about strange things: Will Evan be happy? Will the pizza I gave him for dinner constipate him? Will he remember the time(s) that I, overtired, yelled "STOP!" when he was whining incessantly? Will these aforementioned memories require him to attend therapy so that he doesn't smother me with a pillow in my sleep?

My latest "worry" centers around his school career. Not his Montessori career...that's going swimmingly. I mean his honest-to-goodness-elementary-middle-high-school career. I've always been an advocate for the public school system. But now that I have my own kiddo (and the kids are being tested out of their gourds)...I start to wonder if this will be the right decision for my boy. I don't want him to feel the pressure to be a genius...nor do I truly care if he goes to college as long as he's a happy productive member of society. He loves music. Will music even still be offered in public school when he's ready for it? Will they still be able to take field trips? Or is he doomed to a life of filling in little bubbled test sheets with the trusty #2 pencil?

I just can't let that happen. Sigh. I guess we'll see where we're at in a few years. Worry...fun, ain't it?